I caught myself today. The thought went something like, “Why can’t she just be grateful instead of complaining?” And what I caught really was the motivation behind my action; the action taken for the purpose of someone else being grateful for me, liking me and therefore creating a feeling of worthiness.

We can’t wait for other people to be grateful. We can’t act with that expectation. If we act from that place we’ll never be acting with the energy of pure generosity. We must act because we want to, not because we need someone else to feel a certain way, so then we can feel good.

Who’s to say the outcome wouldn’t be positive though, right? I mean, maybe the person would be so grateful. Maybe you’d get kudos, gold stars, brownie points or whatever else you need to make you feel good. But the outcome could go in the other direction too. And then what? The thought, “I shouldn’t have done that at all; they aren’t even grateful.”

I prefer to act because I want to; from pure desire, without expectation of getting anything back, even gratitude. Because I believe what goes around comes around. Generous unattached giving is the way. I know I’ll get it back. It may not be from the person I gave to though; that’s the trick. Can’t expect it from who you gave it to.

This’s a practice. We want to feel good. Other’s reactions to us make us feel good when they’re good. But what if we could feel good no matter how people reacted? Miracle, right? It’s doable. When we’re aware of the things that trigger us, and the feeling of being triggered itself, we can choose to feel differently. We don’t always have to fall into the pit. We can actually master not reacting at all to what other people say or do, no matter if it feels personal or not. 

So I can’t wait for other people to be grateful. My giving/acting needs to be from a place of pure unattached generosity. As soon as I do something expecting gratitude (or anything else) in return, I set myself up for disappointment and I vibe an energy that does not assist in me attracting what I want. I attract needy, desperate, conditional energy instead.

Are you getting this?

But Hell, we all want to feel appreciated, right? It’s nice to feel appreciated for what you do. It’s great to hang around people who love and appreciate you. It’s even nicer when those people say something or do something to make you know it. We all want this kind of acknowledgment. Need it in fact. But the secret is…we don’t get it by doing things for others with an attachment to receiving acknowledgement.

This is tricky, but it works. And it works for basically any other thing you’re desiring. We must instead act from worthiness, gratitude, confidence, love and generosity. Period. We don’t need to add anything else; no other conditions. If we focus on and act from a place that feels good already, is worthy already, is loved already…then we attract more good, worth and love.

So next time you do something with an expectation the other person will act a certain way, think and feel into a bit. Maybe you shouldn’t be doing it at all, until it comes from a pure, generous, unattached place of love. Then watch the magic begin.

Laura Di Franco Probert is a holistic physical therapist, published author, poet, blogger and black belt with over two decades of experience in healing. Her programs combine the transformational tools of body awareness and therapeutic writing to help you learn the language of your intuition and gain the clarity you want for your life. Laura’s enthusiasm and passion for this work is contagious and the spark you’ll need to finally make the change you’ve been afraid to make. She’s the sherpa you’ve been looking for!

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